American Star Chamber creates Foreign Passport Business Opportunity

Good news citizens: the putrid rogue intellects in Washington D.C. have created a brand new shiny Star Chamber. What’s a Star Chamber you ask? It’s basically a secret kangaroo court. The US system of injustice already employs an alphabet soup of Star Chambers. Perhaps you’ve heard of FISA and its outstanding work of rubber stamping the surveillance of dangerous American citizens – oops terrorists. Well, I’m happy to report that the self-aggrandizing assholes that drool us are no longer content with monitoring our terrorist naughty bits; now they’re going for what they covet most: our money.

The new Star Chamber law plugs an egregious hole that citizens – oops terrorists – have mercilessly exploited in the past. You see, when an American – oops terrorist – determines that residing in the US and maintaining American citizenship is no longer worth it, said American could simply gather up his holdings, leave the country, and renounce his citizenship. Remember Eduardo Saverin? He was a cofounder of Facebook who did a little arithmetic and figured out that dumping his US citizenship would save him many millions of tax dollars. Eduardo did what any intelligent human being would do. He analyzed the cost-benefit ratio of his citizenship and made the correct financial decision.

Of course, the entire financial position of the US government is predicated on making sure that citizens do not get in the habit of making such cost-benefit analyzes. In the past, the old tropes of patriotism, honor, giving back, national pride, and so forth kept many of us from firing up our computers but that’s the past. This is the age of hope and change.  And many little Eduardo’s hope to get out of here with some of their change!

The years of hope and change have led to an ever-increasing number of Americans fleeing the country. It’s only a trickle now but wait until Pussydent Hildabeast takes over. The trickle will turn into a flood and that’s a problem because without taxpayers how will Pussydent Hildabeast pay off her cronies, reward her allies, and punish her enemies? It takes a lot of money to bribe – oops run – government.

Fortunately, the new Star Chamber fixes the exile problem. Under the new regime, if the government thinks you owe them back taxes1 they can refuse to issue you a passport. You’re a flight risk you ungrateful terrorist – oops citizen – scum.  It gets better! If the government thinks you’re aiding foreign terrorists they can also refuse to issue you a passport. Of course, what constitutes “aiding foreign terrorists” is completely unspecified. Better not send any attaboy ISIS tweets, they might be construed as “aiding foreign terrorists.”  And, because we are so hope and changey these days if you dare ask why the government thinks you are aiding terrorists this shiny new law allows them to withhold evidence because: terrorists!  Due process is so white privilege! With such an idiotic and oppressive law in place, it’s just a matter of time before the US harbors thousands of internal tax and terrorist aiding exiles. They’ll be joining a larger cohort of hundreds of thousands of former American drug offense prisoners that are also, oddly enough, frequently denied US passports.

This is all good news! What the morons in Washington have created is a gigantic business opportunity for any country that will issue Americans passports for cash.  If you don’t already have another passport contrive to get one as soon as possible!  You really don’t want to be imprisoned here if you run afoul of our increasing fascist authorities.


  1. Of course the IRS never incorrectly assesses a citizen’s – oops terrorist’s – taxes.

Euphoria: Review

euphoriabookLily King’s excellent new novel Euphoria derives from an incident in Margaret Mead’s life. Margaret Mead achieved fame as a young woman with her 1928 book Coming of Age in Samoa. Usually, scholarly works do not attract mass audiences but the good bits of Mead’s book read like soft-core porn and introduced the radical idea that sexual behavior in adolescence may have strong cultural overtones. Nowadays we lump such deep revelations in the “No Shit Sherlock” category!

Some of this is brilliantly alluded to in Euphoria. The strong female character (Nell) had written a popular book that her husband (Fen) envied and peers deprecated. The three main characters, Nell, Fen and Bankson, are social anthropologists doing field research in New Guinea in the 1930s. All three have serious doubts about what they are doing. They obliquely acknowledge the sheer conceit of foreign neophytes descending on an unfamiliar culture and, without speaking the language, being familiar with the environment, or knowing jack shit about the local economy, “decode a people,” in a few short months.

Early social anthropologists liked to cast themselves as “anti-missionaries.” Euphoria echoes this sentiment in a few passages. Anthropologists were there to learn about a culture not obliterate it with Christian sky fairy fantasies. The admirable agnosticism of social anthropologists, you cannot take one myth seriously when you have studied hundreds, is still blunted by an infantile dedication to the absolute primacy of culture. We are not animals but Rousseauian “blank sheets” that our culture scribbles on. Many contemporary social scientists of the left, “Are there any other kind?” bitterly dismiss criticism of this ludicrous axiom as “White Privilege.” The social anthropologists of Mead’s day may have been a bit delusional and naïve, but they didn’t create utter bullshit like Critical Race Theory or, I kid you freaking not, Microaggression Theory.

My only complaint about Euphoria is that it romanticizes a “soft pseudo-science.”  Anthropology has two major branches: physical and social. Physical anthropology deals with things like comparative anatomy, radioisotope dating, geological layering, and DNA; it is very much a real science! Social anthropology is all squishy, personal, and non-verifiable; it is not a real science.  It’s not even, to use Rutherford’s exquisite burn, “stamp collecting.”  Euphoria makes this all clear to scientifically literate readers. In many ways, Euphoria is a better introduction to Mead than Mead herself: recommended.

How Dante Can Save Your Life: Review

dantesavelifeDante’s Commedia may save your life, but I wouldn’t bet on this book doing the same. How Dante can Save Your Life is both interesting, annoying, and ultimately disappointing. If I had stopped in the middle of this book I would have rated it higher. It certainly started out well but, what can only be described as the author’s whining, slowly degraded my view.

The seriously religious do not perceive reliable approximations of reality. They are drifting with their phantoms, looking for things that cannot be rationally demonstrated to exist. Though I admire the discipline and restraint many intelligent religious people exhibit it’s simply impossible to take their cherished beliefs seriously. Those of us that demand verifiable reasons for accepting propositions will never accede to the belief that the purpose of life is to return to God. The author repeatedly returns to this theme as he reads Dante and shares his own life.

The author, Rod Dreher, and his family endured serious grief. The best part of this book is his retelling of his sister’s death from cancer in her forties and her community’s outpouring of love and support. I don’t think the author would disagree that his sister’s death, and the book he wrote about it, greatly contributed to his career as a writer.

It was at this point the author had a crisis that lead to Dante. Cemeteries are for the living not the dead, as is myth. Dante created an extravagant and great myth and like all great classics his epic poem has much to offer readers in any age. The author uses it as a type of self-help book to work through his family problems.

His problems are common. Many of us have seen loved family members die horribly, many of us have suffered crippling injuries, many of us have distressing careers, and many of us have family members that are struggling with themselves and us. Yet some of us are tough enough to see life as a random clash of blameless atoms and that whining will not fix anything.

In Dante’s view, this is the great sin of pride that unchecked leads to Hell. Lucky for us Hell and Heaven are myths. Art, however great, is not reality.

Turning JOD Dump Script Tricks

Have you ever wondered how extremely prolific bloggers do it? How is it possible to crank out thousands of blog entries per year without creating a giant stinking pile of mediocre doo-doo? Like most deep medium mysteries it’s not very deep and there are no mysteries. The spewers, people who post like teenage girls tweet, use two basic strategies:

  1. Multiple authors: The heroic image of the lone blogger waging holy war against a sea of Internet idiocy is largely a myth. Many popular prolific blogs are the work of many hands. The editor at Analyze the Data not the Drivel eschews this tactic. Apparently he’s an incontinent and argumentative prima donna that sane people steer clear of.
  2. Content recycling: In elementary school this was called copying. Now that we’re all grown up we use terms like, “excerpting”, “abstracting”, and my favorite “re-purposing.” The basic idea is simple. Take something you’ve written elsewhere and repackage it as something new. Hey, all the cool kids are doing it!

The following is a slightly edited new appendix I have just added to the JOD manual. I am working to properly publish the JOD manual mostly so I can say that I’ve written a legitimate, albeit strange and queer, book.

I created this post by running the \LaTeX code of the manual appendix through the excellent utility pandoc, tweaking the resulting markdown, and then using pandoc again to generate html for this blog. pandoc is a great “re-purposing” tool!  

Finally, re-purposing is not entirely cynical. The act of moving material from one medium to another exposes problems. I found a few editing errors while creating this post that eluded my \LaTeX eyes. If you find more this is your chance to tell me what a moron I am.

Turning JOD Dump Script Tricks

Dump script generation is my favorite JOD feature. Dump scripts serialize JOD dictionaries; they are mainly used to back up dictionaries and interact with version control systems. However, dump scripts are general J scripts and can do much more! Maintaining a stable of healthy JOD dictionaries is easier if you can turn a few dump script tricks.1

  1. Flattening reference paths: Open JOD dictionaries define a reference path. For example, if you open the following dictionaries:
       NB. open four dictionaries
       od ;:'smugdev smug image utils'
    +-+-----------------------+-------+----+-----+-----+
    |1|opened (ro/ro/ro/ro) ->|smugdev|smug|image|utils|
    +-+-----------------------+-------+----+-----+-----+

    the reference path is /smugdev/smug/image/utils.

    When objects are retrieved each dictionary on the path is searched in reference path order. If there are no compelling reasons to maintain separate dictionaries you can improve JOD retrieval performance and simplify dictionary maintenance by flattening all or part of the path.

    To flatten the reference path do:

       NB. reopen the first three dictionaries on the path
       od ;:'smugdev smug image' [ 3 od ''
    +-+--------------------+-------+----+-----+
    |1|opened (ro/ro/ro) ->|smugdev|smug|image|
    +-+--------------------+-------+----+-----+
    
       NB. dump to a temporary file (df)
       df=: {: showpass make jpath '~jodtemp/smugflat.ijs'
    +-+---------------------------+-----------------------+
    |1|object(s) on path dumped ->|c:/jodtemp/smugflat.ijs|
    +-+---------------------------+-----------------------+
    
       NB. create a new flat dictionary
       newd 'smugflat';jpath '~jodtemp/smugflat' [ 3 od ''
    +-+---------------------+--------+--------------------+
    |1|dictionary created ->|smugflat|c:/jodtemp/smugflat/|
    +-+---------------------+--------+--------------------+
    
       NB. open the flat dictionary and (utils)
       od ;:'smugflat utils'
    +-+-----------------+--------+-----+
    |1|opened (rw/ro) ->|smugflat|utils|
    +-+-----------------+--------+-----+
    
       NB. reload dump script ... output not shown ...  
       0!:0 df

    The collapsed path /smugflat/utils will return the same objects as the longer path. It is important to understand that the collapsed dictionary smugflat does not necessarily contain the same objects found in the three original dictionaries smugdev, smug and image. If objects with the same name exist in the original dictionaries only the first one found will be in the collapsed dictionary.

  2. Merging dictionaries: If two dictionaries contain no overlapping objects it might make sense to merge them. This is easily achieved with dump scripts. To merge two or more dictionaries do:
       NB. open and dump first dictionary
       od 'dict0' [ 3 od ''
    +-+--------------+-----+
    |1|opened (rw) ->|dict0|
    +-+--------------+-----+
       df0=: {: showpass make jpath '~jodtemp/dict0.ijs'
    +-+---------------------------+--------------------+
    |1|object(s) on path dumped ->|c:/jodtemp/dict0.ijs|
    +-+---------------------------+--------------------+
    
       NB. open and dump second dictionary
       od 'dict1' [ 3 od ''
    +-+--------------+-----+
    |1|opened (rw) ->|dict1|
    +-+--------------+-----+
       df1=: {: showpass make jpath '~jodtemp/dict1.ijs'
    +-+---------------------------+--------------------+
    |1|object(s) on path dumped ->|c:/jodtemp/dict1.ijs|
    +-+---------------------------+--------------------+
    
       NB. create new merge dictionary
       newd 'mergedict';jpath '~jodtemp/mergedict' [ 3 od ''
    +-+---------------------+---------+---------------------+
    |1|dictionary created ->|mergedict|c:/jodtemp/mergedict/|
    +-+---------------------+---------+---------------------+
    
       NB. open merge dictionary and run dump scripts
       od 'mergedict'
    +-+--------------+---------+
    |1|opened (rw) ->|mergedict|
    +-+--------------+---------+
    
       NB. reload dump scripts ... output not shown ...  
       0!:0 df0  
       0!:0 df1

    Be careful when merging dictionaries. If there are common objects the last object loaded is the one retained in the merged dictionary.

  3. Updating master file parameters: When a new parameter is added to jodparms.ijs it will not be available in existing dictionaries. With dump scripts you can rebuild existing dictionaries and update parameters. To rebuild a dictionary with new or custom parameters do:
       NB. save current dictionary registrations
       (toHOST ; 1 { 5 od '') write_ajod_ jpath '~temp/jodregister.ijs'
    
       NB. open dictionary requiring parameter update 
       od 'dict0' [ 3 od ''
    +-+--------------+-----+
    |1|opened (rw) ->|dict0|
    +-+--------------+-----+
    
       NB. dump dictionary and close
       df=: {: showpass make jpath '~jodtemp/dict0.ijs'
    +-+---------------------------+--------------------+
    |1|object(s) on path dumped ->|c:/jodtemp/dict0.ijs|
    +-+---------------------------+--------------------+
    
       3 od ''
    +-+---------+-----+
    |1|closed ->|dict0|
    +-+---------+-----+
    
       NB. erase master file and JOD object id file
       ferase jpath '~addons/general/jod/jmaster.ijf'
    1
       ferase jpath '~addons/general/jod/jod.ijn'
    1
    
       NB. recycle JOD - this recreates (jmaster.ijf) and (jod.ijn) 
       NB. using the new dictionary parameters defined in (jodparms.ijs)   
       (jodon , jodoff) 1
    1 1
    
       NB. re-register dictionaries
       load jpath '~temp/jodregister.ijs'
    
       NB. create a new dictionary - it will have the new parameters
       newd 'dict0new';jpath '~jodtemp/dict0new' [ 3 od ''
    +-+---------------------+---------+-------------------+
    |1|dictionary created ->|dict0new|c:/jodtemp/dict0new/|
    +-+---------------------+---------+-------------------+
    
       od 'dict0new'
    +-+--------------+--------+
    |1|opened (rw) ->|dict0new|
    +-+--------------+--------+
    
       NB. reload dump script ... output not shown ...
       0!:0 df  

    Before executing complex dump script procedures back up your JOD dictionary folders and play with dump scripts on test dictionaries. Dump scripts are essential JOD dictionary maintenance tools but like most powerful tools they must be used with care.


  1. Spicing up one’s rhetoric with a double entendre like “turning tricks” may be construed as a microaggression. The point of colored language is to memorably make a point. You are unlikely to forget turning dump script tricks.

For Carl’s Memorial

Carl in his basement apartment surrounded by his drawings and hugging Puff: one of his long lived cats. Carl was a good friend for most of my adult life. During the many years I lived in Edmonton I spent a lot of time with Carl. It’s rather odd that I have so few pictures of him. I have been an avid amateur photographer since I was eight but I only have half-a-dozen pictures of Carl. I held off “developing” this image because of the reflection in Puff’s eyes. Now I see this informal imperfection as a reflection, (pun intended), of Carl’s haphazard fun filled way of life.

Carl in his basement apartment surrounded by his drawings and hugging Puff: one of his long-lived cats. Carl was a good friend for most of my adult life. During the many years I lived in Edmonton I spent a lot of time with Carl. It’s rather odd that I have so few pictures of him. I have been an avid amateur photographer since I was eight, but I only have half-a-dozen pictures of Carl. I held off “developing” this image because of the reflection in Puff’s eyes. Now I see this informal imperfection as a reflection, (pun intended), of Carl’s haphazard fun-filled way of life.

A memorial celebration for the life of Carl Sullivan was held today, June 20, 2015,  in Calgary. I was unable to attend, but I sent this little note. The world is a little gloomier without Carl. 

1969 was a memorable year for many reasons, but two “events” stand out for me. It was the year of Apollo 11, the epochal first moon landing. If humans still exist a thousand years from now the first moon landing will still be remembered and lauded. Of less historical, but greater personal interest, 1969 was also the year I met Carl B. Sullivan.

Apollo marked a high water mark for western civilization; we have been steadily degenerating ever since. Similarly, Carl, for me, marked a high friendship mark. No event of the last forty-six years holds a candle to Apollo 11 and no post-Carl friend holds a candle to Carl.

I know Carl would enjoy being bonded with Apollo 11. He enjoyed the “weird.” His own weird, the weird of others, the world’s weird. Carl liked to cast himself as a sage and wizard. He was certainly a sage of the absurd and a wizard of fun.

I have many fond memories of visiting Carl after another exquisitely self-crafted dismaying day only to have Carl wave his wizard’s wand and make my gloom bloom. This is an exceedingly rare talent and frankly we were blessed to fall under his spell.

I know Carl was ambivalent about the prospects of an afterlife. His appetite for the absurd did not extend to religion. I am harsher; I expect utter oblivion, but if I am wrong and find myself cast into Hell for a lifetime of misdemeanors, I’ll find Carl, (he had his own Hell worthy misdemeanors),  and Carl being Carl, will turn Hell into an eternal party!

Goodbye old friend you will never know how much we all miss you.

Copulation, Cooking and Cleaning

A refreshing blogosphere development is something called the “manosphere.” The manosphere is a mangy collection of young male bloggers that have had it with man hating feminism. I’m an old boomer fart, not exactly the manosphere demographic, but I see their point. I remember when rational1 feminists set their sights on “equal pay for equal work.” I fully supported pay equity and, when you correct for actual hours worked, that battle has been won in oppressive western cultures.2 But, as every married man knows, what women ask for is seldom what they really want.

Equity was never the goal of radical feminists! Radical feminists are nasty menstruating socialists. Their perfect world looks a lot like an old-fashioned new-man communist utopia: a utopia that was rudely rejected for all sorts of Gulag’ey reasons. Sadly, radical feminists don’t take rejection gracefully. Once a month their bitter frustrations manifest as malignant misandry. Yeah, “femnazis” are real and they’re everywhere! Femnazicism rears its ugly bull dyke head in repressive campus speech codes, phony palimony suits, bogus rape claims, “fat acceptance” campaigns, and tiresome PMS laced whining about how hard it is to find a real man. Well ladies, I am going to let you in on a little guy secret; it’s much harder to find a real woman!

What I am about to say will strike manospherians, and real men everywhere, as obvious but we can no longer count on men being men. There are a lot of misguided white knights and whipped manginas out there so grab your sanitary napkins and brace for reality.

In pre-pussy-boy days, men looked for, fought over, and highly valued “three C” women.

What the hell is a “three C” woman? A three C woman understands men. She has intuitively, or intellectually, grasped that human males are simple short-lived creatures that are biologically programmed to seek three things from woman: copulation, cooking and cleaning – the three Cs.

You can determine a man’s age by how he sorts his three Cs. When we’re young copulation is our absolute number one priority. Given a choice between copulation, cooking and cleaning we’ll always pick copulation. When we’re older, more settled, and our frantic need for copulation subsides, given a choice of fine cuisine or fine ass, we may choose the former. Finally, in our limp dotage, when Viagra no longer works, gently wiping the dribble off our chins, (cleaning), after a fine meal, (cooking), is greatly appreciated. Ladies if the three Cs are graciously on tap we’ll happily put up with any amount of lady-shit. It sounds simple because it is!3

Bang us, feed us, and cleanup afterwards, without nagging resentment, and we will love, cherish, protect, work, and die for you! And, here’s the good news; you don’t have to be a Victoria Secret maximum babe to pull this off. In purely economic terms, any comely young woman who masters the three Cs is literally worth her weight in gold!4 At current gold prices, one woman weight is about $2,300.000 US. Amortized over a fifty-year marriage that works out to around $45,000 per year. Guys, just try paying for hookers, gourmet takeout, and maid services for a measly $45,000 a year. When you throw love into the deal the quality three C woman is the biggest bargain out there. So ladies, if you really want a real man, master your three Cs and you’ll have your pick of them.


  1. Rational feminist was not oxymoronic when the movement started.
  2. Not such much in Clitoridectomy happy nonwestern societies.
  3. Male maintenance requires some real work. Men expect to put in long hours looking after the women in their lives and they expect women to reciprocate. Unfortunately modern feminism labels such reciprocation “oppression.”
  4. I am assuming a normal female weight of less than sixty-five kilograms. Obese land fe-whales are not worth their weight in gold.

Social Security Numbers are Broken beyond Repair

Imagine that you are buying a new set of wheels with cash. Being a cash transaction there is no need to negotiate loans or check credit; you have the money in your wallet. Usually, vendors are delighted when handed a thick wad of bills but we are living in unusual, no depraved, times. Before the dealer takes your wad you will probably be asked for your Social Security Number. WTF you think! It’s a cash transaction; why must government stick its inept grasping tentacles in your business?

Of course if you are financing a set of wheels, applying for a mortgage, negotiating a rental, submitting a job application, or buying a fricking big screen TV, you will be asked, over and over again, for your Social Security Number. Why are so many tiresome busybodies obsessing over nine measly, easily forged, digits? Well, cowboys and girls, the Social Security Number has morphed into a general-purpose personal tracking identifier. Busybodies covet this number because once they have it they can:

  1. Check your credit history.
  2. See if you have ever been in prison.
  3. Determine if you owe money.
  4. Track your movements from one state or city to another.

And god knows what else!

When Social Security was setup in the 1930s paranoid right wingers darkly warned that Social Security Numbers (SSNs) would be used to track people and ultimately infringe their freedoms. Silly ancient right-wingers: who really cares that they were completely right about SSNs? Only criminals, and evil people with things to hide, care about the widespread abuse of Social Security Numbers. If you believe this moronic twaddle please leave your Social Security Number in a comment on this blog. You can trust me! I would never abuse your number.

Now if you’re a big government guy or gal you will loudly assert that it’s perfectly acceptable for the government to maintain some identifier that links you to your Social Security account. On this I agree, some identifier is required, but Social Security Numbers are probably the worst possible way to do this. The ideal Social Security “Number” would:

  1. Unambiguously link you to your Social Security Account.
  2. Be impossible to counterfeit or fake.
  3. Be useless for any other purpose.

The idiotic nine digit scheme used for Social Security Numbers completely fails all three of these tests.

Let’s start with unambiguous linking. News flash: your Social Security Number does not uniquely identify you. There are many reasons for SSN duplicates with identity theft being the leading cause. Is it fair to blame SSN numbers for criminal abuse? Yes, you dumb fucks! Identity systems must operate on the bedrock principle that people are liars, cheats, and disgusting defecating naked apes. Always assume the worst of your fellow apes; you will still be disappointed. Good identifier schemes make it impossible to generate duplicates regardless of how thoroughly evil or incompetent people are. Social Security Numbers naively assume we are good people. This is asking for it.

How hard is it to counterfeit or fake Social Security Numbers? It’s so damn easy you can go to this website and push a button. While it’s unlikely that nine random digits will form a valid SSN it’s clearly not rocket science to concoct plausible SSNs. Good identifier keys are unavoidably unique. There are many high-quality unique key algorithms. SSNs are crappy keys; any database professional that advocated their use would be fired on the spot.

As for being useless for other purposes: here the failure is so complete, so total, and so absolute, that it’s hard to attribute it to mere government stupidity. I don’t blame the paranoid for thinking it was a clumsy backdoor scheme to label citizens for other purposes. Heh, even the official government Social Security Page brags that your SSN has “come to be used as a nearly universal identifier.” Anyone that contests this is an idiot. Every two-bit database out there has an SSN column in it. Many SSNs are still completely unencrypted; they’re begging software professionals like me to get into the identity theft business. Keep that in mind the next time some outfit asks for your SSN.

When you make a VISA, MasterCard or Apple Pay purchase with a “chipped card” a onetime transaction code is generated and mixed with your credit card number.1 This allows the central authority, VISA and MasterCard in this case, to verify your credit without creating a permanent number that is forever tied to your name. This scheme is vastly more secure than SSNs but falls short of high-quality cryptographic key schemes used in systems like Bitcoin. The QR code on this blog is a Bitcoin address with money in it. Try and steal my Bitcoin bitches! The point is there are sound ways of creating account links that do not invite abuse and tracking. So why the hell are we are still tolerating static, insecure, come and get it identity thieves, broken beyond repair, Social Security Numbers?


  1. One of the consequences of chipping credit cards is that it is no longer necessary to display the number on the card. You only need the number to interact with non-chipped devices. Eventually, people will figure this out and start asking for credit cards that do not display the number. I see a great advertising campaign in the future. “You can get our numberless smart card or their numbered dumb fuck card. What’s it going to be?”